jmoiron.net

Went to the/a doctor today. From what she told me, my lower abdominal pain and other symptoms can be one of 4 possibilities:

1. Colitis (colon infection)
2. Appendicitis
3. Gall Stones
4. Hypochondria

I'm hoping for a 4 or even a mild 1. I have to buy medication tomorrow, and then drink some disgusting milkshake designed to light up my insides the following night. Good luck, me!

I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things lately, like what makes me happy, what relaxes me, etc. A lot of sorta self-searching ninny stuff that hopefully will result in me being a better person for some definition of better; either one of "happier", "wiser", and "healthier" will do. So I'd start with something simple, like something I claim to myself and to others that I like doing. I like to travel. Do I really? Do I just like talking (bragging?!) about where I've gone, what I've seen? Do I just like having the authority on a subject/location/culture/nonsense? Do I just really love the word nonsense? (yes)

The reality of that situation is a defiant yes to the first question, and then "of course but that's secondary" to the rest of them. I think I have this thirst for knowledge and a lot of people really have effected not only the knowledge I have but the way I go about getting new knowledge.
John Dolan and his alter ego dared me to challenge the establishment line in a way that I hadn't really done previously. What if all of the literature I've ever read was total bullshit? Maybe it is!
Mark Ames clarified this position and led by example: what if our entire understanding about another culture was not only bullshit but simultaneously tainted by insane aspects of our own culture that we are blind to.

This isn't really constructive in the 'kill your idols' knee jerk reaction sense that you could take by simply miming their movements. Try things, do things, and make your own path to "enlightenment". That's what travel is to me; I grew up in a country (and in a family) where nothing was known about Chinese people, of which there are 1.3 billion I remind you, other than their appearance and their caricatured (racist) portrayals in old western movies or their exaggerated portrayals in kung fu movies.

I don't know that my view of the country (empire?) is accurate today, but I sure understand the culture more by virtue of the people I've surrounded myself with, the food I've eaten, etc. I think this is what travel is to me, the ultimate in that kind of experience. So I'll go to that country, eventually, and meet people that have lived there. And they might be completely ignorant and oblivious to their own condition, like I am or like hopefully someday I was.

It isn't perfect of course. In the end, what the fuck do I know about Egyptians? Not a whole lot, but I've met a bunch of them and I've seen their ancient relics for myself; I've witnessed that whole spectacle. They are absolutely amazing (the relics) and fascinating (the people), from what I've gathered, and applying historical knowledge to try to understand the rich tapestry of any culture is at it's absolute worst a rewarding mental exercise.

That's pretty convincing, even to myself. I don't think I could come up with something like that if it was a lie, although there's always the chance that I might surprise myself. But my travel and the travels of others have always been rich and satisfying for me.

Similarly, whatever my original primary intentions were to learn Japanese (manga), it's become a beast of it's own, knowledge that is enriching and a lack there that entices me to discover more. The friends I've made that were aided by this continuing adventure (like Masakazu Omoto or Hirota Fumiki or poor, poor Minoru-san) and the new ways that I have come to understand the world and myself make it worth it.

Taking this angle with games, what kind of games make me happy? Why do I play? I have fun playing a lot of games, but a lot of the "experiences" that I can think of in the past involved games where I got deeply engrossed in something utterly un-game-like. I ventured past the "system" of Gemstone III and into the rich, complex economy and social structure of the game. I suffered and triumphed with Crono, Lucca, and Frog in my youth, mourned the loss of Agro and contemplated the virtue of my actions more recently.

The point is, games don't just make me happy: I don't just have fun with games, I get a deeper experience through their play. Sure there is the mechanical and mental challenge of performing fantastic acrobatics with Kawase-san or taking the right line through a turn in a tuned up Audi S4 and then finding the new line in a Sauber or the MINOLTA. But there's also a deep emotional element there in that rare game, and it happens when I get engrossed in story or character or just about anything but the method in which I am controlling my on-screen avatar, which leads me to wonder out loud whether or not the innovation in the Wii prevents it from sporting such a title?

So in closing, I hope I don't end up having to piss stones.